Monday, September 24, 2012

The Baby I never knew, but will never forget: Conner Benjamin...


Today is a day I will never forget.  I had changed Marebear's Speech appointment at the local out patient hospital.  We had never been there on a Monday morning, but this morning everything was different.  Her Speech Pathological was switching to inpatients and this was her last meeting with her current therapist and her first meeting with her new Speech Pathological, but her Speech Pathological was sick so I had to stay with her for a while and teach her about Marebear.

By this time my Little Man was getting restless so I promised him we could go to the waterfall (in the center of the hospital) or the playroom on the 2nd floor.  He was so ready to go and he took off, I could barely keep up with him.

When we arrived at the courtyard and I opened the door, I could see a family in intense conversation about something important.  A women from the group jumped up and took off almost running.  I announced to Little Man we are going to go to the Playroom, so they would know we would not bother them, and we were just passing through.

After we shut the door to the outside of the courtyard I notice the women was sitting on the floor crying.  I could not help but ask her if she was okay.  That is when she told me she had just lost her son.  My heart sank into the pit of my stomach.  I did not know what to do, so I bent down on my knees and hugged her.  I told her " I am so sorry."  I felt completely inadequacy to handle this situation.  I felt tears swell up in my eyes.  Why was I crying, I need to be a rock for this mom.  I could not help myself, I cannot imagine what this mom is going through right now.

She told me seeing my Little Man reminded her of her son; his blond hair and blue eyes.

I asked her what his name was, and she said Conner, then I asked her what his middle name is and she said Benjamin.  She asked if I wanted to see a photo of him, and I did.  He was a beautiful baby so cute and round like a newborn.  I asked her a few more questions about him.

About this time her husband joined us and later on her parents joins us too.  They asked me Little Man's name and I told them.  I told them I cannot imagine what they are going through, but shared with him a verse from the bible.

" Blessed are those that morn for they will be comforted" Matthew 5:4

I reminded them it is okay to morn and they will be comforted.

As her family gathered around I reminded her she could call me anytime to talk, or for anything she need and handed her a card with my information.

I thought of her and prayed for her and her family all day.  I never did get her or her husband's name, but I knew God knew who I was talking about. I wanted so bad to do something for her, and I did not know what I could do, so I am doing the only thing I can think of which is to honor him and his parent by remembering him.

In Memory of Conner Benjamin
He had olive skin and deep blue eyes.  He lived 8 glorious days in the arms of his mom, dad, grandparents and friends.  He was a good baby and he hardly ever cried.  He was a strong baby too.  He lifted his head, and he fought as hard as he could to survive.   He was loved completely by his mom and dad.  They tired for year to have a baby and he is their miracle baby.